I just want to start off this post by saying that my intention in writing this piece is to illustrate my personal decision and how I came to that decision in choosing an unmedicated birth so that women out there who are unsure, or who are looking for more information or who are afraid of birth have a reference to help them in whatever way they choose to give birth. I never want to make another woman feel that the way they gave birth was the "wrong way" or that their way wasn't good enough because that is absolutely NOT TRUE. Birth is difficult no matter how you go through it, and it's something that should always empower moms no matter how it goes. I simply wanted to put my story out there to remind moms that their birth is theirs and no one else's. Advocate for yourself, and speak up for the things you want! Women's bodies are amazing and are capable of so much! Thank you for reading!

My husband, Eric, and I are expecting our second child, a baby girl this coming January. Ever since I announced my pregnancy the question I am asked the most is if I'm planning another unmedicated brith. The answer is YES! 

I get many questions regarding my first birth, and unfortunately, even though I've already had an unmedicated birth, I still get some negative comments. I think a lot of this just comes from misinformation and fear that many people have when it comes to the idea of birth. For some reason throughout the last few decades women have become conditioned to believe that they don't know how to give birth, their bodies are not capable of birth, or the idea of a birth without the help of pain medication is impossible. 

My journey toward an unmedicated birth began at my 10 week appointment with my OB/GYN that I had been seeing for three years prior to my pregnancy. We had an established relationship and he had delivered my little sister and my older sister's first son, so I had known him for a long time. As we were finishing with our first appointment I mentioned something that a physicians assistant had mentioned at one of my previous vaginal exams. She had made a comment that I had very narrow hips. So, being slightly concerned, I asked my OB, if having narrow hips could affect the kind of birth I wanted. He then performed an exam, to see if there was really a cause for concern and proceeded to tell me that I do have more narrow hips than most women and that I would most likely end up needing a c-section. He continued on to outline the risk of a c-sections and what was going to happen during the procedure, and how that could affect how many children I could have. He also wanted to "be prepared" and "plan ahead" for my c section by telling me when we would most likely schedule the surgery in accordance with my due date. While he was talking I was retreating into myself. My mother's recoveries from her c sections became harder every time she had one. Granted, she had five, which is not at all recommend by health care professionals, but I wanted to avoid one as much as I could. I was starting to panic a bit as I wasn't expecting to have to hear all this quite yet, especially since I was still so early in my pregnancy. C-sections are a medical miracle, they are definitely a blessing in emergencies or in births of multiple babies and have saved many lives, but it's not something that women necessarily want, at least in my own opinion. I didn't understand it, because I was only carrying one baby, I was low risk, I was healthy, and I was young.  I felt like my body had failed already. I wanted to have a vaginal birth, like most women do, and I was being told that it wouldn't be possible for me and my doctor was already planning accordingly. I left that appointment, called my husband, and cried...a lot. I just didn't understand how the doctor could know for sure that I would need a c-section at 10 weeks gestation when my body was at the very beginning of its changes. 

For the next few weeks I was pretty down. I was upset that my birth plan, which I hadn't even quite started planning, was already becoming something I didn't want. Surgery is scary, no matter what it really is, and I didn't want to have to put my body through the procedure if I didn't need to. After a few weeks of moping I was sitting on my couch, binge watching Friends and trying to survive my horrible all-day sickness, when a thought dawned on me. Well I can't change my body, but maybe I can help it. I started to look up different birthing positions, especially for women with narrow hips. I found a lot of information and was starting to feel a bit better when another thought came into my head. If I wanted to try to birth in another position, rather than on my back with my legs spread apart, I would need to be in control of my body and be able to move freely...which means that I would need to forgo an epidural. 

For those who know me well, they know I have a pain tolerance of zero. It hurts when people touch my hair and it's tangly and when I got my ears pierced I was hyperventilating because I hate needles and I don't like being poked and prodded. I knew myself...could I really handle birth with no pain medication? Unfortunately I didn't know many people who had unmedicated births, and when I mentioned it to other people that I was considering an unmedicated birth I got looked at like a crazy person and told the same thing over and over again, "Why would you voluntarily do that?" 

I was once again very discouraged with my circumstances, and was feeling very insecure about my body. When I reached 14 weeks Eric and I had a visit from a member of our church who told us about a friend of his that ran an ultrasound business out of her home, and that at 14 weeks she could probably see the gender of the baby if we were interested. Well, of course we were interested! We called her and made an appointment. Her name is Sunny Hyatt and her business is Precious Predictions. Go look her up on instagram, she is such a wonderful person and her name perfectly embodies the kind of person that she is. So we went and during the appointment she asked me how I was doing and if I was getting excited about meeting the baby. I was honest and said that I was looking around at alternatives to having an epidural and not having much luck in meeting people who could share their experience. I also felt like I didn't have a lot of time and had to make a decision soon about the kind of birth that I wanted. What she said was probably one of the most helpful things that anyone had said to me at that point. She told me that she was set to give birth in a hospital with a regular OB when at 36 weeks she decided that she wanted to give birth at home with a midwife. She told me it was my birth and no one else's, and I had a say in how I wanted my birth to go. She also added that she was told she had narrow hips too, and was able to deliver a 10 lb. baby with no epidural. Her words were my catalyst to really researching about midwives and unmedicated births. 

A question that I got from someone on instagram was how I felt about home births. I love the idea of a home brith, and I love reading about women who have them, but for me personally I don't think I ever will. Unfortunately I can't see the future. If I knew that everything would go smoothly and I and the baby would have no complications I would absolutely have a home birth. I have a good friend who, after having her baby, had a blood clot develop and she needed to have surgery immediately following birth, and if she birthed at home, who knows what could have happened. I like the bells and whistles of a hospital, and the knowledge of knowing that I'm in a place where if something were to happen I could immediately be attended to. I do not discount women who have home births, I think they're wonderful and beautiful, and midwives who assist in home births are educated and know what their doing in cases of emergencies. It's just the unknown that will keep me, personally, from birthing at home. 

After meeting with Sunny I decided to schedule an appointment with a midwife. At this point my knowledge of what a midwife was was extremely limited. To be honest I thought a midwife was just a lady who decided one day she wanted to help women give birth at home. In reality they are highly educated individuals who go to years of schooling to do what they do. Basically the only thing midwives don't do is surgery, like a c-section, and because of this they work alongside traditional OB's who can perform those services when necessary. For me it seemed like the best of both worlds. I found Valley Women for Women that have midwives who work alongside regular OB's and who work in a hospital setting, rather than a home setting. I was 18 weeks at this time and when I sat down with the midwife I said the same thing that I said to my OB, "I've been told I have narrow hips, and that would inhibit my ability to give birth." The midwife kind of looked at me funny and asked me who told me that. When I told her my OB had said that because my hips are narrow it would increase my risk of c-section, the first thing she said was, "Let's not talk about c-sections until there is actually a cause for concern and a possibility of one, which right now, I see no reason for." She went on to explain that for centuries women with narrow hips have had successful vaginal births, and just because my hips may be narrow does not mean that we need to immediately jump to the conclusion that I'll need a c-section. She said, "Have faith and confidence in your body, birth is what it was designed for." That was it for me. I transferred all my medical records to the midwives office. 

I wasn't looking for a definitive, "You will not have a c-section", I was looking for someone to have the same confidence in my body that I wanted to have. This is just a note for every momma out there. If you are not happy with the care that you are receiving during your pregnancy, you do not need to stay with that doctor or midwife. Too many women stay with care providers because they feel like they are obligated to or that it's "too late" to switch. IT IS YOUR BABY AND YOUR BIRTH PLAN. Find someone who you trust and who makes you feel safe and confident, because that really makes a difference in any kind of birth experience you are looking to have. Trust in your doctors, absolutely, they are medical professionals, but also trust your mommy intuition when you feel something isn't right or if you feel uncomfortable. 

So after switching to a midwife I started doing more research on unmedicated births. I told my midwife that I wanted to plan to not have an epidural and she said "Great! It's gonna hurt. But you can do it, if you plan and prepare for it." What I love about my midwives is that they really tried not to B.S. me. It's not going to be rainbows and butterflies, its going to be work and concentration, but that I was perfectly capable of having the the birth that I wanted. Key phrase, plan and prepare, that really does make a difference. If you go into your birth saying "Well I want to go unmedicated but we'll see what happens", 9/10 times you'll get an epidural. If an unmedicated birth is something you want, you have to begin to mentally prepare yourself long before your labor. 

I watched the documentary "The Business of Being Born", which is a very pro-midwife, pro-home birth film. You watch real women as they prepare to give birth at home and it just amazed me at how strong and resilient women's bodies are. These women were unafraid and confident in what their bodies were made to do. I highly recommend any mothers considering an unmedicated birth to watch this film, it made me feel more confident in my decision to watch these women go through their preparations and through their labors. If they can do it, so can I!

I also read the book, "Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method". This book, is just so awesome. It really solidified my desire for an unmedicated birth and made me feel like it was absolutely within my reach. I highly recommend this book, even to the moms who are not planning an unmedicated birth because it really just helps take away the fear that is often associated with labor and delivery, which makes for a better birthing experience for every mom in any circumstance.

So that was it, I was convinced, and I was confident! I had done the research and had felt like my decision was educated and had a strong foundation, but I was met with criticism, by many women that I came into contact with. I say majority women, because when I would mention it to the men around me I would usually just get "Oh cool" or "Nice, nice" because most men don't really care, they're just grateful they don't have to do it. I worked in day care, so I had many mothers come in with their kids and ask me about my pregnancy. Many would also ask where I was getting prenatal care or where I was planning to deliver. When I answered that I was seeing a midwife and planning an unmedicated birth. I got a few positive responses, but most were negative. I would usually hear one of the following: "Yeah that's what I thought I would do, but you'll cave", "Yeah whatever, good luck", "Why would you choose that?" and my personal favorite, that I was actually surprised to get quite a few times was "So what, you think that'll make your birth better than anyone else's?" It sucked, it really did, and it actually really surprised me that so many women that I came into contact with and shared my aspirations for my birth with would just treat me like an idiot. Granted, they had had children, they've actually been through it, but still, supportive words are always the better way to go when it comes to how any woman wants to give birth. Someone on instagram asked me how I dealt with these comments, and in reality, it's just a lot of ignoring and self motivation. Even though I've done it before and am now preparing for a second unmedicated birth I still get negative comments. I deal with it my just reminding myself that the only person's opinion who truly mattered was my own, and I had worked to have a confidence in myself and my body. I knew I could do it, regardless of what was being said around me. You can't help how people respond to the things you want for yourself, but you can help how you react to them and I found it best to not argue. Just prove them wrong. :) 

So for weeks I prepared for my unmedicated birth, and it was one of the most difficult but rewarding things I have ever done in my life. For me it was about being present, working with my baby and feeling all that birth had to offer. And that might seem insane to some people, and that's ok! It made me feel empowered and made me fall in love with my body and all its capabilities. I went from being told that I should schedule a c-section, to having a successful, vaginal, unmedicated birth with a sunny side up baby with a head in the 92nd percentile of size, with no tearing. How many times can I say this? WOMEN'S BODIES ARE AMAZING! 

So to recap, some things I did to prepare for my birth. (1) Read the books, they really are an excellent tool and provide all the science behind what goes on with your body during an unmedicated birth. (2) Talk about it! Yes, you might not always get a positive response but there are so many women out there in the same boat who want something different for their birth and are looking for information and for people to confide in. Every woman should feel encouraged to pursue whatever kind of birth they want to have. (3) Watch positive unmedicated birth stories! One I recommend is by Elle Lindquist on youtube, it's titled "Emotional Live Birth, Natural Unmedicated Water Birth". I LOVE THIS LADY. She is so great. She's very real throughout her video and talks to you throughout it, and I was really grateful for her sharing her experience because I'm sure it's helped more women than just me! She makes me want to do one. She also gives me the hope that one day water births in U. S. hospitals will be more accepted because that my dream. During her video you watch her labor, and cope, and get in her element. She brings out the feminist in me and I know it's a long shot but I would love to meet her and hug her. 

Last but not least, have a good support system around you. This is probably the most important thing. Having people around you who believe in you helps you get past that last threshold when you start to feel like you're not enough. Some people have asked me about doulas and I am all for them. My older sister acted as a doula so I didn't have one, but I've heard many positive experiences from women who have, so I recommend them. My sister really did go above and beyond in preparing. She did the same research I did, and looked about ways to help laboring mother's cope. She was awesome, and got me through the tough times. My husband was also a fantastic help. He was with me every step of the way in researching and supporting me with everything I was doing and became somewhat of an expert himself, he'll talk to you about it just as much as I will. An excellent birthing partner, 10/10, would highly recommend. I also felt that this helped him with his preparation for becoming a father because he was involved with every decision and with every step. Another, equally important part of a good support system is your doctor or midwife! I said this before, but if you are not feeling confident in the person providing your prenatal care and who is delivering your baby, that really does make a difference. My midwife was awesome, she knew what I wanted and she had every faith in me that I could have that unmedicated birth that I was gunning for. You also don't have to have a midwife to have an unmedicated birth! I'm so happy to hear about OB's becoming more willing and wanting to support women who want unmedicated births. Pick a provider who you trust and who instills confidence in your body!

An unmedicated birth is something to prepare for. It can't be a spur of the moment decision. People would ask me all the time, "Are you scared?", and I'm proud of myself to say that the answer to that was, "No." I wasn't afraid of labor, and I wasn't afraid of birth because I had done the work to become confident in myself and what I could do. I wanted to meet my son, and I wanted to do it my way, it's as simple as that. To be honest, it took me almost two months to write this blog post and that's because my son's birth means so much to me. It made me feel proud, and amazing, and I think a part of that was because of the way I chose to give birth. It was difficult, and one of the hardest things I've ever done, but the prize was well worth. Regardless of how you want to give birth every woman should be supported and confident in their body's capabilities. I'm so excited to feel all this again with my little girl. I'm excited for the trial, I'm excited for the bonding with my husband, and I'm excited to hold her in my arms. And no, nothing is certain! There are so many things that can happen during birth, but I know that because I make myself and my wants a priority that whatever happens, I will be heard, and I will have a say. It's my birth and no one else's.




If you would like, I have my son's full birth story up on this blog to, just check the 2014 section. :) Thank you for reading, and thank you for the support! Every woman deserves to birth without fear! 

Half a year...




Our sweet Beckham Daniel is six months old. He smiles non-stop. He's not a great sleeper, but no matter what is happy and smiling whenever he wakes up. He is so strong. He's rolling across the room and is so close to crawling. He sits up like a champ, and is incredibly observant. He loves being outside, whenever he is fussy all you need to do is take him on a quick walk and everything is all better. He has his bottom two teeth, just when you thought that smile couldn't get any better. His eyes bright up the minute someone looks at him, and his giggles make your heart burst. He has brought such joy to mine and Eric's life, and we love being his parents.

40 weeks and 5 days...

I was so done being pregnant. My due date had passed and I felt I had tried everything to naturally induce labor. Long walks didn't work, castor oil is awful, and sex with an objective other than enjoying your spouse is totally lame. I was discouraged. I had been having contractions for four weeks prior, lots of false labor. The week before the baby came, a Wednesday, my contractions had gotten to be three minutes apart and pretty intense. We headed to the hospital only to be sent home a couple hours later. Eric and I had never felt so defeated, and I cried for the majority of the night. I had started to not trust in my body, I had no idea how to translate what I was feeling. How would I know I was actually in labor? When will he be here? How can I do this for much longer? The next day I ignored every phone call and text message from family and friends. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I sat in the baby's room for a long time just wishing something could happen. 

On the following Tuesday I had my 40 week appointment, I was upset that I even had to be there. The midwife came in and said, "Ellen, I am so surprised to see you here". The reason she was saying this was at that point I was 3 1/2 cm dilated and the baby was extremely low and she knew I had been having contractions. We checked everything, she swept my membranes for the second time. Not gonna lie I was trying not to cry through the whole appointment, hormones people, and I'm pretty sure the midwife could tell. She told me to come back on Thursday since I was going to be 41 weeks that Saturday and we would talk about inductions. I was very grateful that she wasn't making me wait another week.

So on Wednesday night I knelt down at my bed and said a very simple prayer. "Heavenly Father, please let me get some good news tomorrow." I hardly slept that night. I was very uncomfortable, and every time I rolled over I had to pee. Probably slept a total of four hours. I woke up in the morning to a phone call from the midwives saying that the nurse practitioner I was going to see called out sick, so they asked if it was ok if I saw a doctor at another location. I did not care, just send me to see someone! I brought my mother-in-law with me because I cannot bring myself to argue with doctors so I know she would be a good advocate, because I was not about to go till 42 weeks. So we get there and the first thing we do is an ultrasound. The only ultrasounds I did were the regular black and white ones but at this office they did the 4D ones. Poor little baby was so squished, he had no more room! We saw his cheeks and his sweet little nose, he was perfect. They led us to one of the rooms and checked my vitals to discover that my blood pressure was a little high. Now I had had perfect blood pressure all throughout my pregnancy so this was a little surprising. She gave me a minute or two to try to calm myself down and they checked again, my blood pressure count was higher than the time before. The medical assistant said that she would tell the doctor and they might be sending me to the hospital to be induced for fear of Preeclampsia. I told her that I wouldn't argue with anyone if that was the case. So about fifteen minutes passed when the doctor came in. She let me know that she had called the midwives and let them know what was happening and that she was sending me to the hospital for induction. I was over the moon. I know it's horrible, Preeclampsia is no joke, it can cause serious complications, but I WAS GOING TO HAVE A BABY!

So she advised we go straight to the hospital, and to not stop anywhere. I called Eric to tell him what was happening, he was pumped he got to leave work early...oh and he was excited for the baby! I called my sister, Emily, who I invited to be in the room with me, and called my friend Annie who would be taking our birth photos. I could not stop smiling. We got to Mercy Gilbert, checked in and made our way to the third floor only to be told that there was a little confusion and they would be admitting me into triage and not straight into a laboring room. Oh that lady is lucky that I am trying to be like Jesus because I was pissed. Confusion? What confusion? The doctor at the office said that even if my blood pressure went back down that didn't mean that I was suddenly cured and the safest thing to do would be to deliver. So they hooked me up and put me in a bed. For two hours they monitored my blood pressure and it was getting worse. Granted it could have been because I was pretty frustrated and worked up at that point but after a time I was finally admitted.

I was planning a natural birth with no epidural. I had read books and tried my best to prepare myself. I had asked my sister to be a sort of doula to help me with my goal and I had a great support system in Eric and the midwives. I really was not worried, I was determined, I was ready to meet my son, and I knew that I was capable of a natural birth. So because I was already so dilated they used a gel that was meant to soften the cervix and help everything going. The contractions started getting closer and harder and it was ALL in my back. The baby was facing my belly, "sunny side up" and it causes all the contractions to be in your back. I was in for a hard labor. Eric and my sister took turns putting pressure on the base of my spine as each contraction came, and I put to work my breathing as I bounced on a yoga ball and leaned on the hospital bed. At this point the contractions were hard but I tried my best to focus on the break I would get between them, I was able to talk between them and was smiling and joking around with my sister. My blood pressure was unfortunately getting worse and the nurses were worried about seizures so they asked me to get back in the bed, which I was not happy about. The bed was the most uncomfortable place for me to be, and laying on my side made the back pain worse. I needed Eric to rub my lower back every time a contraction would come which was about every 75 seconds now. I wanted a completely unmedicated birth, I wanted to feel everything, but when they offered Stadol, the back pain was so intense that I took it. A couple seconds later I felt the effects and was able to sleep for a bit. As the Stadol wore off the contractions started returning and I had to get back into efficiently handling each contraction. Things were getting hard, I had started laboring at around 5 pm, and with the little sleep I had gotten I was so very tired. Eric would help me to the bathroom to pee and he would have to kneel in front of me as I grabbed him through each contraction. At some point the midwives checked me and I was only 4 cm dilated, so they made the call to use Pitocin. At the same time they put the Pitocin in my IV they gave me another dose of Stadol and I drifted off to sleep. About an hour and a half later my water broke. It was this loud pop and a punch of pain. I felt the water soak the bed. "MY WATER BROKE!" In a matter of moments I was thrown from my peaceful sleeping into full active labor. Annie went out to get my sister and said, "Ellen's water broke and she is freaking out." I was! The pain was so intense and it came out of nowhere, I had no time to prepare and build up to it, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I asked for an epidural...and when I say asked I mean I begged. The midwife knew what I really wanted, we had talked about it for weeks, she knew I didn't really want an epidural so she did her best in placing me in different positions to try to relieve some of the back pain but nothing was helping. The thing about back labor that's different from regular contraction labor is that there is no break. The pain comes in waves and gets so bad and when the contraction is over the back pain lingers. My quiet meditated breathing techniques went out the door, and as every contraction came the more noise I made. Eric says that I sounded like Goku from Dragon Ball Z when he does his power up thing (I've never seen the show, forgive me!). I was loud, but in my head what got me through it was the thought "Three long, loud yells and the contraction would be over". At one point my sister told me my mother came to the door and heard all the yelling and was so upset with me that I chose to do natural. She hated hearing the sound of me in pain. It was even worse for Eric. Imagine watching the person you love in that amount of pain and not being able to do anything. The midwife wanted to get me into the laboring tub, which initially I was so excited for when I was thinking of my labor, but it didn't help with the pain and now I was stuck in one place. I was sweating so much and was refusing water or ice. All I wanted to do was progress. The nurses and midwives were getting worried, they didn't want me to get dehydrated so Eric came to help me out of the tub so they could hook me up to an IV. As I was stepping out a contraction hit and I collapsed in Eric's arms. I held onto him as I yelled my way through it, all the while being encouraged to get into the bed. I really didn't want to, all I wanted to do was be on the floor. In my head I wanted to be on a flat service. This was the last time I begged for an epidural but it was too late now, the midwife told me I was 10 cm and fully effaced, I could start pushing. I didn't know what to do, how do I push a baby out? "Push it towards your bum!" With every contraction I tried my best to use every ounce of pain to push. What's funny is that pushing the baby out was the easiest part of my whole labor, because instead of just enduring the contractions I was now using them. They laid me on my back with my legs apart, which if you ask any of my friends or family that as I was preparing for labor I insisted that that was the worst way to give birth, which I still kind of think, but this was the only position where the back pain wasn't totally taking over. The only hard part of pushing was that at this point I had labored for 11 hours and I was so tired. When I think of it I don't know how I had the strength. After a bit we could see the baby's head. Eric was excited, "Ellen you can see his head! He has hair!" We were sure this baby would come out bald as Eric and I were both toe heads when we were born. I kept pushing, but we encountered a problem. I was taking too long of breaks between pushes and the baby would move in the birth canal but once I took a break he would go back in slightly. I started getting frustrated and crying, "What am I doing wrong?" I felt like they had been looking at his head for forever and I wasn't doing a good job in getting him out. A chorus of encouragement came all around me. Eric and Emily were at my feet telling me I was so close and Eric's mother, who initially was not apart of my laboring plan, was at my side patting a cloth with cold water on my forehead telling me how amazing I was doing. The pushing went on,and finally I could feel a difference, I felt the widening. I hear the midwife, "Keep going Ellen, make this your biggest push!" I took a couple breathes and pushed as hard as I could. One long push...two...three. Usually by the third push I would have to stop and breath but I could feel he was so close. It took everything in me to push a fourth time, then a fifth, and on that sixth push I felt him come out. Eric caught our sweet son, and I heard the most beautiful cry. He came out face up, and immediately opened his eyes. He was placed on my chest, and I just sobbed. It was over, he was here, and the relief over took me. I couldn't believe it. 

Beckham Daniel Hunt was born on the 14th of October at 6:01 in the morning after thirteen hours of labor with no epidural. I did it. I can't believe I did it. When I look back on it, it doesn't even seem like it was me who experienced it, it's extremely surreal. Even though it was so hard, I feel like I have a positive birth story. The reason I wanted to do a natural birth was because I wanted to experience all of birth, every ounce of it. I marvel at the things a woman's body can do. We carry and grow children, we bear them, and then we are able to sustain them. How amazing is that? I really feel like nowadays women are so fearful of labor and childbirth, and yeah it's painful, of course it is, but our bodies are designed to withstand it and to conquer it. Pain for a purpose. It is so doable, and I'm so happy that I was surrounded with such an incredible support team who encouraged me that I was completely capable of birthing this baby. 

We are so in love with our son, he is truly an angel. He's our own piece of Heaven and we are so grateful to God to have a chance to be earthly parents to one of his precious spirits. We also want to thank our dear friend Annie Ruby Photos for capturing all the emotion and beautiful moments we experienced that day. I'll treasure these photos and this video forever.